Lupus?! A wha dat?!

Hearing about COVID-19 is like hearing about a tormentor’s return. It’s knowing you shot Michael Myers but not knowing where the body is. Or refusing to say Candyman. 

This week my sympathy for what was happening around the world became preparation. I wrestle with my fear, read Psalm 91 religiously and wash my hands even more. On Friday I could not place my feelings. This isn’t the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment that the last day of school normally brings. It feels so indefinite. A collective interruption that holds us all in suspense. It hit me during an assembly. The feelings were so strong I wondered if it were psychosomatic. I felt my chest tightening during the assembly. I tried to calm myself down but eventually had to go to my classroom early and just pray. This episode and the exhaustion I feel tell me how unwilling my body is to have another dance with the devil.

Since 2011, I have had pneumonia five times. All of my episodes of pneumonia are connected to complications from Lupus. I am too familiar with how exhausting those fevers are, how labored the breathing is, the terrible effects of the antibiotics, and the permanent damage it inflicts on your lung capacity. I often think of my lungs as a building and that pneumonia has rendered rooms in that building uninhabitable. 

I texted with the pastor whose church I am visiting and am grateful that he understood why he would not be seeing me until this situation is under control. I wrestled this week. Were my precautions an example of anemic faith? Does trusting God mean that I keep going to church and step boldly as if there is no crisis afoot? I’ve arrived at the theological juncture that informs me to demonstrate my faith through wisdom. The Lord brought the episode in the gospels where Satan tempts Jesus to mind.

In Matthew 4, the devil brings Jesus to the “pinnacle of the temple and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written: ‘He shall give His angels charge over you,’ and, ‘In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “It is written again, ‘You shall not [a]tempt the Lord your God.’” 

It is not an act of courage, bravery or faith to go out and about during this time of social distancing. It is selfish and foolhardy. It is best to demonstrate your faith and trust in God by taking care of the most vulnerable among us. You may have the health to overcome COVID-19 but consider those of us for whom contracting the virus would mean increased hardship, or even death. I am trusting in the Lord and believing that God will grant us a hedge of protection. I believe that we can participate in God’s good work by being that hedge for our most vulnerable neighbors. It is what’s best. So, you won’t see me out and about for the foreseeable future but I am confident that this too will pass. God bless you and keep you, my friends. Stay safe.