STOP THE MUSIC!
For the past two weeks I’ve been on this glorious post singing the praises of the San Francisco 49ers. Not only am I partially disgusted* with giving the Niners props, but I’m horrified that they are making me look bad!
You see, I bought the hype. Went into my fantasy leagues, quiet as I could be with plans of drafting Kaepernick and Anquan Boldin. How could I go wrong? The quarterback wunderkind paired with the brother who broke his face and treated it like a flesh wound?! Good money!
And week 1? Absolutely.
Week 2? Ok, understandable. Seattle does play in the terrordome, I get it.
But surely they would take it all out on Indianapolis right? Use the game to let off some steam, stick it to a team that was feeling themselves wayy too much, and reestablish why they deserve the big piece of chicken.
But that didn’t happen. Instead of answers all we’ve got is questions. And regret. You’ve left me no choice.
Until the Niners get their act together I have no choice but to demote them from the Road Warriors to the Nasty Boys.
Let’s get to my Week 4 picks. Home teams in bold. Can’t miss game with the ill underline.
San Francisco over St. Louis
I’ll have no words if the Nasty Boys can’t get past the Rams. Imma have to google whatever tag team the Brooklyn Brawler was on just in case.
Baltimore over Buffalo
The Ravens messed around and caught the spirit last week. They should get Ray Lewis to dress up like Moses and hold a staff in the air at every game.
Cincinnati over Cleveland
I wonder how often Bengals fans console themselves by saying “At least we’re not Browns fans.” Both teams got surprising wins last week but Cincy’s was over a better team and…who am I kidding. No one cares about this game.
Chicago over Detroit
The Lions are fresh off their first win in Washington but Chicago is rolling. Detroit should be light work for them.
Kansas City over New York Giants
0-4 won’t look good on you Big Blue. How the mighty have fallen.
Minnesota over Pittsburgh
My respect for the Steelers made this a difficult pick for me but the truth is “Black and Yellow” was a long time ago. It ain’t only the towels that are terrible.
Arizona over Tampa Bay
Indy over Jacksonville
Seattle over Houston
Let’s see if the Seahawks can take their dominance on the road. Texans could earn some real stripes in this one.
Tennessee over New York Jets
Denver over Philadelphia
Ain’t no way Philly can keep up but the guns will most definitely be out in this one.
Washington over Oakland
So at first thought Washington should totally destroy the Raiders. But who knows? Games in Oakland can be like playing in the Bermuda Triangle. And Oakland has to be mad after that Monday Night embarrassment. Somebody has to pay. I wouldn’t wanna be reppin DC after this one.
San Diego over Dallas
If this happens does this mean San Diego is better than we thought or Dallas, despite possibly winning the division by default, still stinks?
Atlanta over New England
New Orleans over Miami
*That 8 year old boy wearing an Emmitt Smith jersey and a twinkle in his eye has never forgiven me for leaving the team of my youth.